Vinny Khinda
July 3, 2020
I was six-years-old and the groomsman for my uncle’s wedding many decades ago. As is the convention in India, if a kid is old enough to stand on his two feet, he qualifies to be a grooms’man’. Now as per the tradition, both me and my uncle were heavily garlanded, him with stuff made of real currency notes and me with garlands made of marigolds. While the groom was having the time of his life enjoying all the attention, I had begun to sulk. Soon I threw a fit, creating a huge scene with enough tears that could have filled a football stadium. The reason – I was unhappy with my flower garlands and wanted the ones around his neck and all that cash too. As a kid, I had started off as a terrible glass-half-empty-types. Only if someone had been able to put across to this six-year-old that happiness is not about getting what you want all the time, its about loving what you have and being grateful for it… As the years and decades rolled by, as is true for all who are reading this, life threw plenty of challenges, many of them difficult or unpleasant to deal with. It took me few decades to start working from glass-half-empty to glass-half-full. And to this day, I am still learning.
So how full is your glass? For an answer, you have two choices when someone asks you how full your glass is. It’s either half empty, or half full. If you’re one of the blessed minority who think the glass is half full, well lucky you. Then please turn the page and move on with your day because this article is clearly not aimed at you.
Alright, so which way do you choose to see life?
As an optimist, seeing the glass as half full?
Or a pessimist, seeing the glass as half empty?
Well, the truth is, in real life, both perspectives are faulty. By the reality of existence, your glass of life is always, completely full, and here’s why I say this. According to the laws of physics, unless your glass is in a vacuum like outer space, it is impossible for it to be completely empty. Between the top of the water and the top of the glass, the part that we would normally see as empty, there is air.
The fixation for constant comparison is the curse behind unsatisfied and unfulfilled lives. You have a lovely house, but the moment someone builds a bigger mansion in the neighborhood, the sulking begins and you start planning on ‘upgrading’ your abode, which until now had been a dream home. Same is true for your car, you might be driving a Mercedes Benz but the guy next door just bought a Porsche 911. It is hard to swallow, all hell breaks loose in your mental space.
Contentment
It was spring, but it was summer I wanted; the warm days and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was autumn I wanted; the colorful leaves and the cool dry air.
It was autumn, but it was winter I wanted; the beautiful snow and the joy of the holiday season.
It was winter, but it was spring I wanted; the warmth and the blossoming of nature.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted; the freedom and the respect.
I was twenty, but it was thirty I wanted; to be mature and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was twenty I wanted; the youth and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle-age that I wanted; the presence of mind without limitations.
My life was over but I never got what I wanted.
Source: “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow
The Problem with Dandelions
Do we adore, cherish and love what is ours? Many times not. Although categorized as a weed, a dandelion has a rosette of leaves and large bright yellow flowers. Dandelions carry a spiritual meaning as well. They are universal symbols of happiness and joy, and their bright yellow flowers simply bring optimism into our lives.
But here was a man who took great pride in his lawn and found himself with a large crop of dandelions. He simply hated them as they were supposed to be a ‘weed’. He tried every method he knew to get rid of them. Still they plagued him.
Finally he wrote to the Department of Agriculture. He enumerated all the things he had tried and closed his letter with the question: “What shall I do now?”
In due course, the reply came: “We suggest you learn to love them.”
Gratitude and Gratefulness
Gratitude and gratefulness are the cornerstones of transforming from being a glass-half-empty person to glass-half-full one. We must grab every opportunity to reflect on the special people or experiences that have given us the chance to be grateful. But “special” does not always mean joyous or happy experience or interactions. Authentic gratitude can come from experiences that may be difficult or sad, but have allowed us to grow as people. Ever heard of the refiner’s fire? In order to purify silver, you have to heat it up and put it under intense pressure to make the impurities rise to the surface so they can be removed.
In some Buddhist traditions, there’s a prayer in which one makes a rather unusual request of the universe: Bring me challenges and obstacles. You pray and ask for difficulties, “May I be given the appropriate difficulties so that my heart can truly open with compassion.” Imagine asking for that.
Be especially grateful for the tough situations faced in life. Thank the lord for making you walk through fire and hell. Because when you emerge on the other side of it, you would have turned into gold, the noble metal that is resistant to corrosion and destruction. All the struggles henceforth, up ahead in life, will seem like a walk in the park.
In its simplest form, to be grateful, is to have appreciation and express thankfulness. Talking about the psychology of gratitude, and what gratitude actually feels like, research suggests that gratitude involves exhibiting a unique view of the world. Grateful individuals have an inherent tendency to show an appreciation for positive things – even the smallest things that other people may simply take for granted. They invariably end up finding the extraordinary in the seemingly ordinary situations in life.
Research also shows that practicing gratitude has overall benefits, health and subjective well-being included. A number of studies have found that gratitude is associated with reduced stress levels and improved sleep. It contributes to relationship building, satisfaction and promotes conflict resolution. Other benefits associated with being appreciative of our blessings include improved happiness quotient, contentment, pride and hope.
I love the power of analogy. In that vein, let’s think of our life energy as a glass of water. All of us have a glass of water, and the goal is to keep the water at about the same level. The water that fills our glass comes in from the activities/people that feed our souls and lift us up, e.g., supportive family and friends, our passions, joyful events, etc. The water that flows out are the activities/people that give us negativity, pull us down, problems at work-front, our responsibilities etc. So if we have a good balance between the things that give to us (water in) and the things we give to (water out), our water glass stays about the same level.
It is important to pay attention to our glass, keeping a check on when it is getting too low. When it is too low, that means we either need to find a way to add water, or we need to cut back on the water that is flowing out. As is true with everything else, the key is awareness.
The good news is that developing an aptitude for gratitude is not difficult at all and there are many ways to cultivate a disposition of thankfulness. One is to make a habit of giving thanks regularly— many times during the course of the day; holidays, weeks, seasons, and years can be punctuated with thanks—grateful prayer or meditation, writing thank-you notes, keeping a gratitude journal, and consciously seeking out the blessings in situations as they arise.
Gratitude can become a way of life, and by developing the simple habit of counting our blessings, we can enhance the degree to which we are truly blessed.
We all have the same size glasses, and we need to pay attention constantly to how full they are.
May our glasses be always full.
Brushing with basics of life!!
If we think life as a game, then all points you have been sharing are the rules/moves of this game that should be learnt in beginning of life. But we go the other way round. Life gives us tests first followed by lessons.
Once again enjoyed reading the stuff that is so well written Vineet👌👌
That was a wonderful take dear Kanteshwari. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the piece. And thank you for your continuous support & encouragement.
Another fantastic piece of writing Paa Jee. It Sheds light on a common yet extremely complex aspect of human’s life. I must say that poem by “Linda Dillow” sums it all.
If i may add, i feel that problem arises when we forget the difference between what we “need” and what we “wish”, there is old saying that, “go after your needs, even beggars get what they need to survive. However, most of the kings leave the world with unfulfilled wishes”. You gave a perfect example of car, i can fulfill my needs with a corolla, yet i wish for a BMW. That’s when i yearn for more.
But the good thing that you also gave a simple remedy to deal with it. Virtue of “counting our blessings” and being “grateful” can do wonders to our stress level and tense lifestyle. If we follow your mantra to deal with this problem, our glass will be always full.
May the Almighty be with us all.
Keep writing Paa Jee 🙂