Be Your Own Heroine!!

Vinny Khinda

September 8, 2020

Exactly!! No one will. You want to fly, you have to use your wings. Remember sweetie, its a cruel world, exceedingly self-obsessed. Even if they are in no position to take off, they would rather spend all their time on planning how to abort the flight that would have been yours.

I have had the good fortune of having known a woman who became a super-hero(ine) for her family; my maternal grandmother. She came from an incredibly rich, influential and illustrious family, almost aristocratic by the standards of those times (illustrious I say, because the great freedom fighter in India’s struggle for independence, Shaheed Udham Singh was her paternal uncle), I am talking of early 1900s. However, without much checks, she was married off to a commoner. In those days, as was the tradition, especially among the well-off, a female assistant would accompany the bride to her new home in the initial days so as to make the transition easier, she used to be called a ‘nayan’. The very next day, the nayan rushed back to inform her parents that they had ‘erroneously’ married off their daughter to an ordinary, saintly kind of a man, who lived in a simple abode. The same evening, three of her brothers landed at her place and offered to take her back. Her response was simple, “You should have done your homework prior to giving me away in matrimony. Now this is my home and this is where I am going to live for rest of my life. Thank you for your offer and goodbye.” As it turned out, her husband was a simpleton, much ignorant of the worldly matters. This woman, inspite of having been brought up in luxury, took up the job of a school teacher, earned enormous respect and love in the society she lived in and almost single-handedly raised her children, giving them the best life that a child could aspire for. She was a woman of steel.

The 40th President of the US, Ronald Reagan, had once remarked, “The heroes may not be Braver than anyone else. They’re Just Braver Five Minutes Longer.” Deepa Malik, who became the first Indian woman and oldest athlete to ever win at a Para Olympics event, is a story of determination, courage, willpower and how the human spirits can endeavor to rise above adversaries. And surely, hers is a story of a woman who decided to become her own heroine. Deepa’s comfortable life came crashing down when she was diagnosed with a tumor in her spine for which she had to undergo 3 spinal surgeries. This left her paralyzed waist down with the doctors telling her that she would never walk again. And all this happened while her husband was fighting the Kargil War, the armed conflict that happened between India and Pakistan in the summer of 1999. Being the fighter that she is, this proud soldier’s wife and mother of two daughters, instead of spending rest of her life in self-despair, chose to challenge the fate and chase her dreams despite her condition. She moved to Delhi to train for sports. Starting off by joining the Himalayan Motorsports Association, she conquered an eight-day 1,700 km ride to 18,000 feet in sub-zero temperatures. In 2009, she became the first paraplegic woman to ride a special bike for 58 km and in 2013 she completed one of the longest drives in India (3,278 km from Chennai to Delhi), a first for a physically challenged woman as well. She is also the first paraplegic woman to drive to Khardunga La Pass, the highest motor-able pass in the world. In 2016, she made the nation proud by winning a silver medal in shot put in the 2016 Rio Paralympics. Overall, Deepa has won 58 national and 18 International medals in various categories that she has participated in. In 2012, she was awarded Government of India’s Arjuna Award, given to recognize outstanding achievement in sports. She was also awarded the President’s Role Model Award in 2014. And in 2017, she was honored with the Padmashree, the fourth highest civilian award in India. Deepa Malik, you truly have been a dreamer, a doer, a thinker and a role model who saw possibility everywhere. India is proud to call you her daughter.

American author Marianne Williamson once remarked that there is nothing enlightened about shrinking, so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine. The life of Oprah Winfrey does full justice to this statement. Before Oprah started hosting a television show that ran for 25 seasons and was literally named after her, she was fired from her job reporting the evening news for Baltimore’s WJZ-TV. Apparently, a Baltimore TV producer told Winfrey she was “unfit for television news” because she showed too much emotion in the stories she reported on. Rest is history.

Let this be a daily decision, that you are going to dig deep into your soul, you are going to align with the woman you were born to be and that you will do the things you were called to do. J.K. Rowling certainly did this. She had hit rock bottom of her life. She was recently-divorced, recently-fired, depressed single mother living off welfare when she finally started penning Harry Potter. She would do so sitting at various cafes in Edinburgh with her infant daughter by her side in her pram. She received 12 rejections from various publishers until Bloomsbury finally gave her first book Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone the green light in 1997. She eventually became the first person on earth to make $1 billion by writing books. Her books have brought in more than $25 billion and sold more copies than any other book series. The extent of Rowling’s impact goes beyond selling millions of books. Wharton professor Adam Grant says Rowling is perhaps “the most influential person alive today” because of the continuing positive impact her books have on children. The facade of the elephant house Cafe in Edinburgh has this proudly displayed, “Birthplace of Harry Potter.”

So Remember girl, you are the master of your fate, you are the captain of your soul, the writer of your own superwoman character in your own movie. But what matters is how you see yourself. Tell yourself – I am kind, I am smart, I am important. And that I am a Limited Edition.

You are a lover, a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. You are an ocean. Rather, tell yourself that women like you, drown an ocean… From you, Kings are born!!

Here I would like to quote a beautiful poem written by the young poet Pushyamita Upadhyaya, its so very appropriate in the present context of the crimes against women that are the order of the day. Those who can read and understand Hindi will be able to identify with it. Apologies in advance to those who cannot read the language.

सुनो द्रोपदी शस्त्र उठा लो, अब गोविंद ना आएंगे…

छोड़ो मेहंदी खड़ग संभालो
खुद ही अपना चीर बचा लो
द्यूत बिछाए बैठे शकुनि,
… मस्तक सब बिक जाएंगे
सुनो द्रोपदी शस्त्र उठालो, अब गोविंद ना आएंगे |

कब तक आस लगाओगी तुम, बिक़े हुए अखबारों से,
कैसी रक्षा मांग रही हो दुशासन दरबारों से
स्वयं जो लज्जा हीन पड़े हैं
वे क्या लाज बचाएंगे
सुनो द्रोपदी शस्त्र उठालो अब गोविंद ना आएंगे

कल तक केवल अंधा राजा, अब गूंगा-बहरा भी है
होंठ सिल दिए हैं जनता के, कानों पर पहरा भी है
तुम ही कहो ये अश्रु तुम्हारे,
किसको क्या समझाएंगे?
सुनो द्रोपदी शस्त्र उठालो, अब गोविंद ना आएंगे…

Make time for yourself. Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. Often remind yourself that you are worthy and you are capable. And that you are beautiful, your own kind of beautiful. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

Life coach Sussie Moore says, “The wisest thing you can do is to be the fullest, happiest version of you. And that means some consistent, unabashed self-lovin’. It will also inspire others to treat themselves better as well.” Remember that in a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act. But you owe it to yourself.  Stay true to yourself even if that means disappointing others. Never settle for less than what your heart and soul desire. Be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself. Always treat your mind and body like a temple and that is what it is. Bless yourself… Yes, do that!!

Give yourself credit where credit is due, and frequently remind yourself that your are doing great. Pat your own back, literally. Also, always remember that on this planet, no one is perfect. No one. Perfection in physical beauty and mind is impossible and non-existent. Hence, don’t be hard on yourself. If all girls were taught to love each other fiercely instead of how to compete with each other and hate their own bodies, imagine what a different world we would live in. So señorita, let your hair down and just be yourself. Let the people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, and magical person that you are.

Rule your Queendom!!

 

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